Midlife Adjustment Gifts

'I think my body's trying to tell me I'm overweight. This morning I found 'Space For Rent' signs on my hips.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Middle-Age Superheroes

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

ZZZZZZZ Top

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

Menopause and the City

Quick Spring Fling

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."