Life Milestones Pillows

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Cardiac Recovery.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'I try not to think big too often or I get terrible headaches.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"You're right, they are statins."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Sparkler

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Medication for the elderly

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'