Birthday Milestone Pillows

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"It makes you look old."

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Bitchbark Canoe

'I sent out for everything.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Tartine

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

"Young Frankenstein"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Robot Parts $5

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'