Midlife Birthday Gifts

Those days. these days

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Male Pattern Baldness

Counting sheep, large print edition.

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"One year closer to college!"

Middle-Age Superheroes

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Gary turns 40.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Breast Height Chart

Do you think I'm sixty?

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"Careful."

Rock and Roll

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"The club scene is really changing."

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'