Mid-life Birthday Gifts

Being a role model for your kids really takes the fun out of middle age.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Do you think I'm sixty?

Rock and Roll

"Careful."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

"The club scene is really changing."

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Aging Problems

Attic of hopes and dreams...