Middle Age Birthday Gifts

'It's net weight when they're trying to catch you. After a few years it then becomes gross weight.'

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

Multi-Generational Books

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Breast Height Chart

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"The cape comes off too."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

The Aging of Underwear

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Male Pattern Baldness

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

Getting old...

Hot flashes

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."