Middle Age Celebration Gifts

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Breast Height Chart

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Rock and Roll

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"You're not goin' anywhere, Roy. You buried your own nuts again."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Tragedy and Remedy.

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

'In denial and loving it!'

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

'Dang.'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

'Take ten years off the top.'

'Ecce homo!'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's net weight when they're trying to catch you. After a few years it then becomes gross weight.'

A middle aged cow.