Old Age Celebration Gifts

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Dating is so expensive...

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

Things I love about Powell River...

"Regular service or affected?"

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'...I said we've been marooned.'

Rock and Roll

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Old Karate Master

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"Your press kit said you were lots of fun."

The Final Selfie

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

'What'll it be: rough-and-ready, ready or not, not on your life, or life's a beach?'

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

'As it's your birthday, I think I'll have a pudding.'

"If they give you any trouble, find a good babysitter and go out for the evening."

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Visit Las Vegas! The city that never sleeps' ot even takes a nap!: 'Because of competition, they had to raise the ante!'

"You're not goin' anywhere, Roy. You buried your own nuts again."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

Girl who had a bowl of trifle spilt over her dress at her court presentation party the night before

'Hey, you little punks wouldn't be trying to swamp me, would you?'

'Well how about rocking 'partly' around the clock then?'

Tragedy and Remedy.

Lady about man in tutu: 'Herb is determined to age gracefully.'