Mid-life Celebration Gifts

A middle aged cow.

'In denial and loving it!'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Everybody wears them these days!'

'Did you see that? I'm the same weight now as I was when we were at school together!'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

Rock and Roll

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Where Are They Now?'

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Male Pattern Baldness

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.