Mid-life Celebration Gifts

A middle aged cow.

'In denial and loving it!'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Everybody wears them these days!'

'Did you see that? I'm the same weight now as I was when we were at school together!'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

ZZZZZZZ Top

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Rock and Roll

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

'Where Are They Now?'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Male Pattern Baldness

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"