Mid-life Milestone Gifts

Getting old...

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

'An old-looking guy held the door for me today, and called me 'sir'.'

"Hot flashes?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Cardiac Recovery.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Church Basement Foodie

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Rock and Roll

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I'm here for the hair."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"The cape comes off too."

"You're right, they are statins."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Male Pattern Baldness

Menopause and the City

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'