Age Milestones Gifts

Beware - Baby Boomers Turning 40.

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

"When did she start crawling?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

One!

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"The cape comes off too."

"It makes you look old."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

Medication for the elderly

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

Sparkler

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."