Old Age Milestone Gifts

"Honestly, I only by gas $10 at a time."

Cardiac Recovery.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"You're right, they are statins."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

Medication for the elderly

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Healthy.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

Who's Dead

'They're young hares, so it's OK for them to be a bit crazy in March, but thankfully, we've grown out of that!'

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour