Old Age Milestones Gifts

'You know what they say, one hundred and ten is the new one hundred.'

Cardiac Recovery.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"When did she start crawling?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

"The cape comes off too."

"It makes you look old."

"You're right, they are statins."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

Medication for the elderly

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

You're only young once but apparently there's no limit on childish. (Published originally on January 15, 2008.)

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Healthy.