Old Age Milestones Gifts

'You know what they say, one hundred and ten is the new one hundred.'

Cardiac Recovery.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"When did she start crawling?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You're right, they are statins."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

Medication for the elderly

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

Healthy.

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

Who's Dead

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."