Aging Milestone Gifts

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"And I'll have my usual - 'Mutton dressed as lamb'!"

'I'm at the point in life where I don't care about the past, I live in the moment.'

The Fountain of Youth.

The crow was not that unhappy with her body but absolutely hated her feet.

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

'I wish I could be around when you're my age. I'd like to see that fashion statement with an adult diaper showing.'

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I wish these things went faster - by the time I get upstairs I forget what I went up for!'

Who's Dead

Church Basement Foodie

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

"I always thought getting old would take longer."

Medication for the elderly

Old man celebrates his birthday.

"At first it bothered me, but then I realized, 50 growth rings is the new 40 growth rings."

"Now remember Gerard, don't stare. Enid's aged since you last saw her and a little self-conscious about her crow's feet."

'Remembering the good ol' days ... as recently as yesterday.'

'Actually, you're not having a midlife crises. It's a .723 life crises.'

"Father, cheer up! LXX is the new LX!"

'Because it's the only thing that still whistles at me. That's why I keep it.'

"I'm trying to regain me lost youth -there's a reward if you find him."

Time Passes...For Meaning.

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

"If it weren't for lobby security tapes I wouldn't even know I had a bald spot on the top of my head."

"My son took away my license." "Too many hit and runs." "Too many birthdays?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Women

A beautiful life

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

Cardiac Recovery.