Reaching Middle Age Gifts

'It's my biological clock.'

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

David Blaine, Age 60

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Right now, I'm between naps."

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

'Take ten years off the top.'

'Ecce homo!'