Reaching Middle Age Gifts

'It's my biological clock.'

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"The cape comes off too."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

David Blaine, Age 60

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Hot flashes

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Over the Hill Birthday Cards

"Right now, I'm between naps."

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

'Ecce homo!'