Middle Age Transition Gifts

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"The cape comes off too."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

Hot flashes

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

'It's my biological clock.'

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

'Take ten years off the top.'

'Ecce homo!'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."