Milestone Birthday (e.g. 60th, 70th) Gifts

"Would you want to drink from a fountain of youth?" "I'd settle for a fountain of middle age."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Gary turns 40.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

Pearly King and Queen

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

An old man exercising with hourglasses

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"Careful."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Aging Problems

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

Attic of hopes and dreams...