Approaching Milestone Birthday Gifts

'If I'm going to make it by forty, I've got until Monday.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Church Basement Foodie

Woman crying with happiness.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

Pearly King and Queen

'Guess what? I won again.'

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Careful."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

Attic of hopes and dreams...

Aging Problems

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"It seemed a given that my bucket-list should include an actual bucket."