Approaching Milestone Birthday Gifts

'If I'm going to make it by forty, I've got until Monday.'

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"One year closer to college!"

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Gary turns 40.

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Woman crying with happiness.

"Remember, you're only as old as your peel."

Pearly King and Queen

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

Church Basement Foodie

'Guess what? I won again.'

"Careful."

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

'Gentlemen, a toast to our 4th fishing trip this year. Perhaps, one day, we'll remember to bring poles, in addition to beer.'

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

Broadway Theater coming productions. Look, they're bringing back a production of "Hair" with all the original cast members. It's going to be called "Bald".

Aging Problems

Ogden Nash: 'Middle age is when you've met so many people, that every new person reminds you of someone else.'

Attic of hopes and dreams...

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."