Middle Ages Gifts

Charlemagne

"Then we cut off their fingers, then we throw'em to the wolves..." "Why don't we give'em back rub while we're at it? I say we biol'em in oil..." The Committee for More Heinous Torture.

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"We're following Carrot Top."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Knight Golfing

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Early model of baggage claim"

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

The Beard in the Stone

Missing You.

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

Knights of the bedside table.

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'I think they're up to something.'

'MUM, go and get Daddy, there's another knight coming: This is so much fun!'