Middle Ages Gifts

Charlemagne

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me I've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the Middle Ages is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt with her

"Then we cut off their fingers, then we throw'em to the wolves..." "Why don't we give'em back rub while we're at it? I say we biol'em in oil..." The Committee for More Heinous Torture.

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"We're following Carrot Top."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Knight Golfing

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"Early model of baggage claim"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

Knights of the bedside table.

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

The Beard in the Stone

Missing You.

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'