Medieval Times Gifts

Medieval Social Distancing

Escalator joust.

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'I'll calk that hole as soon as the siege is over.'

'Have you ever thought of trying contact lenses?'

'Hey! -- Don't go adding disclaimers!'

"What good is power if you don't use it?"

"First of all, I would like to express my gratefulness to all those wonderful ancestors of mine who helped to make this glorious day possible."

'I used to have serfs, but I've found that free-range peasants are more efficient.'

'Sorry fellas can we do this tomorrow I have left my glasses in Warwick.'

'You idiot! Two is aim, three is fire!'

"Hey!! Look!!!"

"We've been victorious in many battles, and yet helmet hair remains our fiercest foe."

Clearing the castle's moat.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"You're probably hot and I've gone on too long so I'll end with a story of the great pestilence."

Soldiers attempt to break into a castle with a credit card.

'Man, that grass looks delicious.'

"It's a shame that she could never put her college degree to use."

"The siege was yesterday."

"Last chance - take back what you said about my wife."

'Don't worry -- he's a trained professional.'

Dragon Barbecue

"Come and get it! Ha, ha- just kidding."

They were all out of sharks

Knight walking his dog.

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

Boiling Oil.

'I just had a beer with Edward the Confessor - talk about too much information!'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

Alfred the Great

Medieval Torture

'I like a man in a suit.'

'I envisioned something more robust'