Medieval Events Gifts

'Hey, is that an official thing or did your mom give you that shirt?'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"We're following Carrot Top."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight Golfing

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"He's his own worst enemy."

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

Hildegard von Bingen

Swiss army knife

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Early model of baggage claim"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"The knights of the round accent table"

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

Medieval Vacation: 'What? I am relaxed. I'm relaxing!'

The Official Covid-19 Diet