Medieval History Gifts

Letting the Cat Out

'Tell the salesman to come back later, I'm busy.' (black and white).

'Before we begin, I'd like to say a few words about the concept of 'defence mechanisms'.'

'You don't trust me, do you?'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'1066 - The Battle of Hastings - Harold gets history's biggest "something in the eye".'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'News from the battlefield, sire. Our army was declared victorious. However, the Huns have challenged that rulling and it is currently under review...'

As hordes of angry orcs advanced he began to wonder if dwarves were the best choice.

Air boulder.

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

Harold II

"Sometimes they get frustrated and punch the wall."

Knight & Dragon

'Are you guys still watching the tapestry? Why don't you go outside it's such a nice day!'

Oh, don't hurt it. Can't you trap it under a glass, or something?'

"I hate having to wash my smalls."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

Edward I

"We audit at dawn."

"People not from here don't understand. It's not a weapon - it's a way of life."

Scorched knight on horseback passes 'Dragon Crossing' sign.

"Oh stop it. You know perfectly well that before every battle the enemy shouts things at us that we may find offensive."

The Dragon with the Girl with the Dragon tattoo.

"Look. You think they're hideous and I think they're hideous, but maybe the bishop doesn't think they're hideous."

"You'll need an unobstructed view of the southern sky."

'I double-dog dare you.'

King Richard III

DING DONG!

This castle manager job better be for real.

The First Crusades - 1096

Dragons eating a knight - 'Once you get the shell off they're delicious!'

'Size matters!'

Knight Golfing