Medieval History Gifts

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

Letting the Cat Out

'Tell the salesman to come back later, I'm busy.' (black and white).

'Before we begin, I'd like to say a few words about the concept of 'defence mechanisms'.'

'You don't trust me, do you?'

'1066 - The Battle of Hastings - Harold gets history's biggest "something in the eye".'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'News from the battlefield, sire. Our army was declared victorious. However, the Huns have challenged that rulling and it is currently under review...'

Air boulder.

As hordes of angry orcs advanced he began to wonder if dwarves were the best choice.

"Why did you become a crusader? You don't even go to church."

Harold II

Oh, don't hurt it. Can't you trap it under a glass, or something?'

"I hate having to wash my smalls."

Knight & Dragon

'Are you guys still watching the tapestry? Why don't you go outside it's such a nice day!'

"Sometimes they get frustrated and punch the wall."

"The road ahead is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"We audit at dawn."

Edward I

The First Crusades - 1096

The Dragon with the Girl with the Dragon tattoo.

"Look. You think they're hideous and I think they're hideous, but maybe the bishop doesn't think they're hideous."

This castle manager job better be for real.

Scorched knight on horseback passes 'Dragon Crossing' sign.

DING DONG!

"You'll need an unobstructed view of the southern sky."

"It's funny. . . I know it's the renaissance, but I keep writing dark ages on my checks!"

'I double-dog dare you.'

Dragons eating a knight - 'Once you get the shell off they're delicious!'

King Richard III

"Oh stop it. You know perfectly well that before every battle the enemy shouts things at us that we may find offensive."

"People not from here don't understand. It's not a weapon - it's a way of life."