Medieval Lifestyle Gifts

Passworded Chastity Belts

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"We're following Carrot Top."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight Golfing

Knight feeding his kids.

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"Early model of baggage claim"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

TV jester.

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"