Medieval Lifestyle Gifts

Passworded Chastity Belts

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight Golfing

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Knight feeding his kids.

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

TV jester.

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Early model of baggage claim"

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."