Modern Lifestyles Gifts

'If only texting was an Olympic sport.'

Astronaut Selfie.

"The time? Sorry - I don't have a phone."

i-teddy

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Crap from the future.

Cat in a flap

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

Weird things I do because of the internet

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."