New Lifestyle Gifts

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

'Of course, but it's very expensive, with all that organic food, renewable energy and 5 star health care and horrendous surcharges on sin.'

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

Cat in a flap

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

The Modern Novel.

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Fur Baby

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

i-teddy

Trust

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"