Embracing New Lifestyle Gifts

'Now that we've moved to this nudist colony, I suppose we should send everyone a change of undress notice!'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"It's not Kansas, Totem, but I can settle for it."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"I used to be old, too, but it wasn't my cup of tea."

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"Guess the weight you used to be"

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

'Watch yourself.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"My joints... are almost done"

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

Urban Gardens

Fast food eater dreams of fruit...fruit eater dreams of junk food.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

'I'm coping.'

"Can we get some more nicotine patches, pal?"

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."