Adjusting To New Lifestyle Gifts

Out of Order.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

"Guess the weight you used to be"

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"I used to be old, too, but it wasn't my cup of tea."

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'Watch yourself.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"My joints... are almost done"

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

"It's great to be back. I was going a little stir-crazy working all across the country from home."

Fast food eater dreams of fruit...fruit eater dreams of junk food.

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

Just Married

'I'm coping.'

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

Urban Gardens

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."