Lifestyle Changes Gifts

'Let's see...we've taken you off smoking, drinking and rich food. What else do you enjoy?'

"I gave up smoking to annoy my wife by living longer."

"Of course, after I became a PETA member I had to get rid of the heads."

Non-game changers

Tonight's Lecture: Breaking Old Habits. Every time I try to kick my bad habits, they turn out to have shin guards.

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

'I'll put it this way: throw away the planning book and start scrapbooking.'

Epiphany: Megan goes vegan.

"We're starting slowly going off the grid. Walt cancelled out premium movie channels."

"I've just broken the last of my New Years resolutions."

"I didn't spark joy."

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"You won’t need refills."

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

"I used to be old, too, but it wasn't my cup of tea."

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

"Guess the weight you used to be"

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

'Watch yourself.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'