Major Lifestyle Change Gifts

'...So one day I just decided to walk away from my mortgage and, well... one thing led to another...'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"You won’t need refills."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Guess the weight you used to be"

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"I used to be old, too, but it wasn't my cup of tea."

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'Watch yourself.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

"My joints... are almost done"

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

"Okay, we've put on our exercise clothes. Now what?"

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

Fast food eater dreams of fruit...fruit eater dreams of junk food.

"Can we get some more nicotine patches, pal?"

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."