Embracing A New Lifestyle Gifts

"My joints... are almost done"

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"If you follow my orders and break those bad habits, you'll be in as good a shape as you've never been."

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"I used to be old, too, but it wasn't my cup of tea."

"Guess the weight you used to be"

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'Watch yourself.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'Since he stopped smoking, he doesn't know what to do with his mouth.'

The Shy Nudist Camp.

'Hopefully these sessions will help you to adjust to flying economy.'

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

Fast food eater dreams of fruit...fruit eater dreams of junk food.

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

Urban Gardens

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

'I'm coping.'

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"The long and the short of it, doctor, is that I'm ready to change from a soccer mom to a Nascar dad."

"Can we get some more nicotine patches, pal?"

Out of Order.