New Lifestyle Pillows

'You ought to wise up, and get into a more contemporary lifestyle - and the first step is to become a vegetarian.'

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

'Of course, but it's very expensive, with all that organic food, renewable energy and 5 star health care and horrendous surcharges on sin.'

"To be honest, it was a matter of finding something to do after I gave up alcohol."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

Cat in a flap

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"I won't be in today. I've decided to live off the land."

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Fur Baby

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

i-teddy

Item #3715 - cozy cardigan

Trust

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"