Modern Life Gifts

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

"Sure, I follow the herd- out of a deep respect for the concept of community."

Coffee options.

"How are you fixed for oats?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"It's free, but they sell your information."

'She looks so liberated.'

"How is it gendered?"

"At this point, my privacy needs are interfering with my intimacy goals."

The Dying Art of Storytelling

'Why aren't I in school? I have an app that does that for me.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"All in favor of the old, uncomfortable chairs?"

Vegan Insomnia

Man walks by a snowman talking on a cellphone

I'm Proud of my Gay Son!....I'm Proud of my Cross-Dressing Dad.

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

"Very funny."

"These days it's called crowd-funding."

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"It's great for multicrastinating."

"Sometimes I wish they'd never perfected setless television."

'You'll have to excuse me. I'm not used to talking to people, in real-time, without using a mobile device.'

Society - then and now.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

The ascent of man.

Stone Age/Golden Age/Space Age/Garbage.

"Spirit! Are you a chatbot?"

"Before you go, would you mind taking a few moments to fill out a short form rating your relationship experience?"

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

Caution- No Light at End of Tunnel

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

"The Passive-Agressive Door-Holding Game:See if you can make an innocent stranger hurry from more than fifteen feet away while you hold the door."

Crap from the future.