Middle-aged Parent Gifts

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Careful."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Toothless Meal

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

Old and young

Mom & Pop Grocerette

"I wonder if she knows my collar's around my a**..."