Middle-aged Parent Gifts

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"Careful."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Toothless Meal

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Museum. Fedal System. It's a shame life isn't like European history with a renaissance following the middle ages!

"I wonder if she knows my collar's around my a**..."

Old and young

Mom & Pop Grocerette