Elderly Parents Gifts

'I think we should both write our wills, just in case anything happens.'

"Mum says she wants to stay in her own home, but failing that, she'll settle for a villa in Spain."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"Of course, we got married in Italy in '59, so even though we have no symptoms our son in law thinks it's safest to cancel our annual family visit."

Loans - 'We were thinking of paying a gas bill.'

"Do these diapers make my ass look fat?"

"You schlepped with her, didn't you?"

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"I've had a busy week. I had my hip and iPhone upgraded."

"What's your best childhood memory?" "My back not hurting."

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"If we were still in the city we wouldn't appreciate this as much."

"I didn't know you could do wheelies Stan."

...and there's no shortage of natural gas!

Scrabble night.

"At what point did my Boeuf Bourguignonne become a pejorative beef stew?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

Darby and Joan zimmer frame tandem

Assisted Living.

'I think the magic starts to happen when the water gets warm and starts to bubble?'

"Sombody say MOUSE?"

"And what do you think my husband is worth?"

The Pied Piper's reunion with the former children of Hamelin

"Okay, I closed all the windows. How will that fix my computer?"

'It's a letter from the government explaining their need for keeping a lid on social security - and a sample of appetite suppressants.'

"Well, no wonder the key doesn't work. This ain't my car."

Yeah...yeah, and afterwards I have to go to bed with you...huh!

"Lower. Waaaay lower."

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"You have a beautiful smile. It would look great in a glass of water next to my bed."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Nope. Sometimes I drink water just to confuse my liver."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."