Older Parent Gifts

Chasing Pensions

'I have found $80,000 under the cushions.'

Air bag on a Zimmer frame.

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

When bank robbers grow old...

Zimmer frame with satellite navigation system.

'Still the rhythm method; I simply adjust the speed of his pacemaker.'

'Council on the aging ... out for Geritol break.'

'I wish i had shares in Gabardine.'

Dance steps for the very tired.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Careful."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Speed Dating.

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

Toothless Meal

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"Well, sometimes we take the dogs for a walk...which puts our fitness level at approximately that of an 80-year-old couple."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

What Do You Do When You're Caring For Someone with Alzheimer's?

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."