Middle-aged Partner Gifts

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

"It's my mid-wife crisis."

Erectile Dysfunction Clinic with a drooping sign.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Come die with me.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

"Man, your old lady really is an old lady"

'Used to be 'Rock around the Clock', now is it 'Limp Around the Block'?'

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

'Are you sure you still love me even though I'm old, and everything just hangs now?'

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"You're old, you're losing fluid and now you're breaking down...I better have you scrapped."

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"Make a wish, dear, and smile!"

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

The Couple who Adopted an Adult Child

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

You know you're middle aged...

Same Sexless Marriage

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"You only started bringing me home from the Darby and Joan club because I had a stair life and you couldn't manage stairs any more."