Middle-aged Partner Gifts

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

"It's my mid-wife crisis."

Erectile Dysfunction Clinic with a drooping sign.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Come die with me.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Man, your old lady really is an old lady"

'Used to be 'Rock around the Clock', now is it 'Limp Around the Block'?'

Couple on a Tandem Cycling in Different Directions

'Are you sure you still love me even though I'm old, and everything just hangs now?'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"You're old, you're losing fluid and now you're breaking down...I better have you scrapped."

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"Make a wish, dear, and smile!"

Sale. We need something that will meet our growing backsides.

"Hearing aids. What did you wish for?"

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

The Couple who Adopted an Adult Child

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

You know you're middle aged...

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

Same Sexless Marriage