Middle-aged Friend Gifts

'They deliver all the free pizzas ion Friday.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

Remote Control Duck

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

Medication for the elderly

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Checking for signs of life.