Middle-aged Friend Gifts

'They deliver all the free pizzas ion Friday.'

'Doing?'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"Actually, I just have too much stuff in my cargo pants."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

"You know you're getting old when..."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Remote Control Duck

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Medication for the elderly

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'He's been doing this ever since he saw the Lion King!'

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."