Elderly Friends Gifts

"I've learned a few tricks for dealing with my arthritis. One is to invest in a good jar opener."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

De Luxe Model - Cupholders.

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

"Lets go and tilt at that windmill"

When Seniors Fly

Albert & Myra - The End Story

Old folk dancing

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Church Basement Foodie

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You know you're getting old when..."

Heavy meals on wheels

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Sitting on a beanbag doesn't take me back to the seventies- it just makes me wonder how I'm ever going to get up again."

Remote Control Duck

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"You're right, they are statins."