Middle-age Musings Gifts

"I'm devastated...I found a long grey hair on his suit this morning. Instead of lying and telling me he had another woman, the b**stard points out that it's one of mine!"

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Curious...at what age did you go from having an outie to having a lint trap installed on your belly button?'

Internal Clock

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

'It's my biological clock.'

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'Dang.'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'