Middle-age Musings Pillows

"I'm devastated...I found a long grey hair on his suit this morning. Instead of lying and telling me he had another woman, the b**stard points out that it's one of mine!"

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Curious...at what age did you go from having an outie to having a lint trap installed on your belly button?'

Internal Clock

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

'It's my biological clock.'

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'Dang.'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

"Sigh...I'm getting old."