Midlife Musings Pillows

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

'Smoking or nonsmoking? Hormone therapy or nonhormone therapy section?'

'Dave's really over-reacting about turning forty.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"No, we're not getting any younger, but why, pray tell, is that such a revelation to us?"

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

"Where did my life go?"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"You want to grow a ponytail? OK...as long as it's not from hair growing out of your ears."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

How Gary got his groove back.

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"