Midlife Musings Enthusiast Pillows

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"Can you suggest something that will enhance my hairstyle?"

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Parkour for the over-40s.

I spent my whole career studying the effects of cloning on aging. What did you find? Same old, same old. Plainwell Brew.

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."