Midlife Musings Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Ed's receding hairline!

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Can you suggest something that will enhance my hairstyle?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"That's just the meds kicking in."