Mid-life Musings Pillows

Existentialistical Funnies

'If I can't put her out of her misery, at least I can put myself out of mine.'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'It's worth a try.' (Man with 'Follow me ladies' sign)

Mid-Lawn Crisis!

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Where Are They Now?'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."