Mid-life Musings Gifts

Existentialistical Funnies

'If I can't put her out of her misery, at least I can put myself out of mine.'

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

'It's worth a try.' (Man with 'Follow me ladies' sign)

Mid-Lawn Crisis!

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Where Are They Now?'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"You used to be that ambitious."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."