Middle-aged Musings Gifts

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"Oh, nothing too exciting, Donna. I burned the toast last Wednesday, and on Saturday Jim split an infinitive. What's new with you?"

'I'm turning fifty, balding and thirty pounds overweight. Quite frankly, I can't think of anything scarier than that'

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."

'...lasting more than four hours.'

"Look at us... We're 45 years old and we've made it. Great family, fantastic job, fancy cars, vacation trips... What's left for us? Only the boozing."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

'It's my biological clock.'

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Internal Clock

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Dang.'

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex