Midlife Musings Advocate Gifts

"Something life affirming. On the rocks."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"I'm here for the hair."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"We added it just for the millenials."

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

Sir Isaac Newton Sucks!

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'