Midlife Appreciator Gifts

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Final Selfie

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

The Aging of Underwear

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'Anything good on tonight?'

Old Tortoise

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

"I've finally got my head together."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."