Midlife Appreciator Gifts

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

The Final Selfie

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Aging of Underwear

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

Ken and Barbie, corrected for age and anatomy.

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'Anything good on tonight?'

Parkour for the over-40s.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Old Tortoise

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

"I've finally got my head together."

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."