Aging Appreciator Gifts

'911..I'd like to report a crime...identity theft...I've become my mother!'

"You're not fooling anyone trying to cover up your age."

'According to these statistics you'll probably outlive me...'

Old Tortoise

'FQ...?'

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

'There wasn't much of a collection I'm afraid. Most of the people who really liked you are dead.'

"I've finally got my head together."

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

The Final Selfie

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

The Aging of Underwear

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

Four Stages of Christmas.

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

'Admit it, George-you're too old to chase after does.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Old and young

"It's male pattern osteoporosis."

'I wish I could be around when you're my age. I'd like to see that fashion statement with an adult diaper showing.'

This whisky is 20 years old!

"Think, man! Think! How did you get this old so fast?!"

Oldies.

"You know, Daddy... We should thank a vet every day."

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

'You can try, but once they're past forty, you can't teach them new tricks.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

Child found in the Street is Brought into Shelter at a Ragged School

'I'd like to buy a frame that adds youth to a portrait.'