Ageing Gracefully Appreciator Gifts

55th Birthday

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

Aging Problems

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"I noticed a few browns."

The Final Selfie

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

Don't have a hot flush....

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"You're right, they are statins."

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"Miriam keeps me young."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

The Aging of Underwear

'They want your underwear.'

'You look quite distinguished with that gray hare on your head, Jim!'

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'