Ageing Gracefully Appreciator Gifts

55th Birthday

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Aging Problems

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"I noticed a few browns."

The Final Selfie

'My - You've matured, my dear.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"You're right, they are statins."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

"Miriam keeps me young."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"Bear in mind there are three laws in this gym we cannot ignore: health, safety and gravity."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

The Aging of Underwear

'You look quite distinguished with that gray hare on your head, Jim!'

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'